1. Use the 3 magic words of listening – “Is there more?”
Listening is so important in a relationship and far more changeling than talking. Being attentive to what your partner is saying and using these 3 magic words will make you a star listener.
Use the 3 magic words of speaking as well – “I love you”. If you are expressing things that may be difficult for your partner to hear, then be sure to start and end with these healing words.
2. It’s not about you!
Arguments never happen if we simply accept our partner’s point of view and agree to disagree. When your partner is expressing a thought, feeling, need, issue or judgment, it comes from their reality and view. It is not about you!
3. It’s all about you
Your thoughts, feelings, needs, issues and judgments are your reality. Many people are unlikely to see things your way, including your partner. You need to take full ownership for your experience and create the condition for connection and harmony in just about any situation with your partner. A fulfilling relationship is about having, accepting, and negotiating differences, not being “right”, seeking sameness or consensus.
4. Turn complains into requests
We have needs from our relationships and we experience an issue when a need is not met. It is impossible for all needs to be met all the time in any relationship. To prevent or resolve conflict, make a request and focus on what you want to happen and create a win-win outcome.
5. Tell your truth
The path to true intimacy and connection is being authentic you. Tell your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, and boundaries openly. Avoiding conflict and maintaining harmony by censoring yourself can only work for awhile. Then your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, ‘acting out’, etc. Telling your full truth can be scary, but that results in the kind of relationship you really want.