Anger is a normal human emotion that can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry with a specific person such as a member of your family, a colleague at work, an event such as a traffic jam or by worrying about your personal problems. Memories of enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
It is natural to express anger by responding or behaving aggressively. However, there is a limit on how far our anger can take us. We cannot lash out on every person or situation that annoys or irritates us.
Expressing anger in an assertive, non-aggressive manner is the best way to express anger. To achieve this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are and how to get them met without hurting others. This means being respectful of yourself and others without being pushy or demanding.
Anger can be suppressed by holding in your anger and focusing on something positive. The only danger to this sort of response is that if anger is not expressed outwardly, it can turn inward – on yourself! Anger turned inward may lead to high blood pressure and depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems, especially in relationships. Some people who are criticizing and pulling others down have not learnt how to constructively express their anger.
Anger management or learning to control your anger (without suppressing it) reduces both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that causes anger.
Some people get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. It is best to find out what triggers your anger and then develop strategies to keep those triggers from pushing you over the edge.
There are simple relaxation tools such as relaxing imagery and deep breathing that can help you calm down those angry feelings. Book and courses on anger management can also teach you relaxation techniques. Learning these techniques will enable you to apply them in any situation. If you are in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it would be best if both of you learn these techniques. It is important to learn to use them automatically when you are in a tense situation.
Just remember that getting angry is not going to resolve anything and it will not make you feel better; in fact, it may actually make you feel worse. If you feel that your anger is out of control and it is having an impact on your relationships and other important parts of your life, you might consider counselling to help you learn how to handle your anger better.
You cannot eliminate anger! Things are bound to happen that will make you angry; sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life is filled with unpredictable actions of others, frustrations and pain. You cannot change that but you change the way you let such events affect you; take control of your anger and keep them from making you unhappy in the long run; do not allow anger to take control of you!
Yvonne Colond